I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize