did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
