from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
