okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
