dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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