Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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