that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
