Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
