i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
