she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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