In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
