you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
