Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
