No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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