Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
