3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
