The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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