Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
