I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
