nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize