just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we should paint friendship bongs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
