I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
