I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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