if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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