Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
