He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
