You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need a shit load of segways right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
