This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
