am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
