I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
