So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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