dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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