How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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