He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
