I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
