how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
