Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
