The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
