what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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