I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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