I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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You. Win. At. Life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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