do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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