I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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