If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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