I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just pynch a tree in the face
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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