just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
