i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
