Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize