Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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