I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
