So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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