I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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