Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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