Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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