I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
