well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
