Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
