Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
