i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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