Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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