I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
