saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
