hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Boobs are out for the taking
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
