i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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