TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
