i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
