we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
