You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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