She said her name was "party"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
