We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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