Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
try to milk me bitch
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
